I was having dinner just last weekend with my very good friend William when he asked me how is Ms X ( a girlfriend of mine who just met a guy online). I said Hmmmmm...well William let me say this...I really wish women would take my advice when it comes to dating it most certainly would spare them both heartache and perhaps and STI. Before I get into the story about Ms. X please allow me to elaborate on what my advice is when it comes to online dating or dating in Real life. Ladies if you are reading this please do listen and please do take this advice because I really do care.
Here are some rules to live by. If a man refuses and STI Test...Run...do not pass go...do not collect $200 just keep running. This man is not worthy of your time..not even 5 minutes. We live in an age now that Syphilis is on the rise and now the largest group are those over 40 so be forewarned. If a man or a woman hesitates even a little with respects to wanting to take this very important Health Test...do not hesitate to leave and do not waste a second more thinking about it. My advice is have this conversation early on in the relationship....hmmm like the 3rd date and definitely before you sleep with this person.
Which comes to my second point on advice.....do not and I mean under no circumstances sleep with someone you have not had this conversation with...this is putting yourself at a major risk. You may think you know this person....you do not. My next piece of advice get informed....I am shocked at how many people do not realize...there is no test for HPV...that's right people no Test....how do you know you have it...well you don't . You will not know until you get a Pap test in the case of ladies and you will have an abnormal pap and well by then you could have cancer. What I would like people to know is just get educated about your sexual health and know what you are doing. Over 80 percent of the population will have HPV at least once in your life and some will cause cancer and some of those will kill you. Same with Herpes....The only way you will know....you actually have to ask for a blood test to determine . Oh and btw 90 percent of the population will be carriers of one strain of Herpes. That's right you can have Herpes or be a carrier and show zero symptoms so get educated people. For those of you who are and do get tested good for you. I myself, well it has been well over a year so I am good...hahaha... as in I was tested awhile back.
Which comes to my next piece of advice...don't be so quick to have sex with just anyone. This advice is definitely geared more towards women....and ladies you can think you are oh so modern and you can ask men out and have sex as often as you like with as many partners as you wish BUT...and here comes the But. The but is this...If you are looking for a meaningful relationship, you will not find it with this behavior. Remember what I said about me being old fashion, well its true...a man will have to ask me out and do some work before he hopes to get me into bed...and it will not be on the first date or the second or third....it will probably be far more than that. Women you want to take your power back well Here Goes and Listen Up stop sleeping with Men on the First or Second and Even the third Date. If he is genuinely interested in You then give him time to get to know you and for you to get to know him. I know you may think I am being sexist but I do not care...women you hold the power and if he deems it too easy well you are just that too easy. Some of you may say...if I make him wait too long he will lose interest and find someone else....Let me say this...he will find someone else anyway because he was only interested in you for sex and once he slept with you ...Next....he will find someone else.
Here is my Rant when it comes to Online dating and then I will come back to Ms. X. Online Dating is geared towards men finding easy quick sex. YUP I am calling it for what it really is....they do not give a Crap about you finding Love...a Relationship....Love or any thing you may find meaningful. 20 plus years ago if a man wanted easy sex or a one night stand he would have to pay for it or pick up a girl in a bar....not anymore...all he has to do is keep swiping until he sees a profile something casual and boom...yup that easy there is some girl willing to give it up. I was having this discussion just a few days ago with a friend who said his brother was in town from TO and did just that. He said good night to his brother who had a profile on Bumble and swiped...and Boom...6 hours later he walks back in and he hooked up with a one night stand.
Online Apps are NOT geared for people who want relationships....I have gone out on enough first dates to realize that...and I say yeah bye because every man just is looking for a hook up. Ladies you need to get off line...it is a waste of your time...I mean that...if you do go online...screen better...do not hook up...be firm in what you are looking for...do not settle for some guy that feeds you lines of relationships....that comes with time not sex.
Some of you may think I have a hate on for men....not in the least....I would just like to see that the people that are serious about relationships meet and not have this deceit. So now back to Ms X.
Ms X met lets call him Mitch. She and Mitch met online...he works up North (Ft Mac) 14 days on 14 days off. For me, that would be a red flag....I do not date anyone that does not even live in my city...because what is the point...if you start seeing someone and I need to commute...yeah NO thanks.
I said to Ms. X...Why bother he lives so far away and if you are genuinely are interested in a relationship (which she said she was) then I would have said....Next. However she choose to meet him...he is 34 she 39. I said you are wasting you time with someone that age....he as zero interest in a relationship....she failed now to heed my advice twice.
So they had a first date...he seemed like this genuine guy (translation....he was a great Liar). After the first date he was to be going back to work for 14 days. Yeah...sorry I have zero bandwith to text with someone I just met...one date...for the next 14 days. However the talked on the phone...they texted....blah blah blah.
My advice I said to her....Demand and STI Test before you ever sleep with him...Hookers Galore in Ft Mac...Nasty. She assured me Mitch is a Stand Up Guy (yeah...like I have heard that before). Fast Forward to when Mitch came back to Town and the Night I was having dinner with my buddy William.
So let me get this straight William said. She has not seen him in 2 weeks and even though they have been chatting and texting during this time they have been on just one date and for their Second date she is going to have him over to her place and she is cooking dinner for him.
This is where I was shaking my head in dismay as I said it. Yup....I told her not to have a second date at her place....DO NOT cook him dinner...I mean ladies how stupid can you be...do you really think that after dinner and wine...do you think nothing is going to happen. I have had men chatting with me online in the past who always say...Oh I would love to cook for you...and my response....Yeah not going to happen...not for a very long time. Cooking together is not something that should occur hmmmm….date 10 not date 2....and if he cannot wait....I will say it again Ladies...He Is Interest is in just sleeping with you and then Ghosting you.
So that is exactly what happened with Ms. X...she in her mind had already established a relationship because they had been communicating for 2 weeks. Listen up Ladies That is NOT a relationship. A relationship grows over time. If you want a relationship put in the time...both men and women.
So when do you sleep with a Man....well let me help you with that. If you meet a man or a woman that you want a relationship with here is how I think you will have the best success at establishing a relationship.
First date can be an hour or 2...drinks and dinner or just drinks. The date must be initiated by the man....the second date or should I say the first real date needs also to be initiated by the man. Ladies if he does not set up a second date...don't text him...you are done...He is not into you...do not waste another minute thinking about it. If he cancels the first date because Oh I don't know he sliced his hand open with a letter opener....then he gets a mulligan....and only one...it is up to him to set the date up again and to set up the second date as well. Ok now we are past the first 2 dates that he set up...and do not sleep with him on either date...yes kissing is fine...but nothing more.
Also these 2 dates must not be too close together...meaning at least a week in between...gives him time to think about you and no further apart then 2 weeks. If it is longer then 2 weeks.....you are nothing more than one of many in his schedule. The second Date must be on a Saturday Night.....Why....Ah well because Sat is officially Date Night.
Ok now all that has come to pass...the 3rd date can be initiated by either party because if he set up the first 2 and is interested in a 3rd date with you....he is officially in to you....BUT do not sleep with him on a 3rd Date....It is still too early.
I have read the polls that when a man sleeps with a woman after the first couple dates...he does not even see that woman as a human being...is that how you want to be seen.
So what happened to Ms. X....I am sorry to report that she reported him to Bumble because Mitch did use her...his only interest was sex (which is what I said long before she even slept with him). What is her responsibility .. of course she needs to take responsibility and that being......Ladies if you want to take back your power.....Don't meet men Online...Yup I am saying it Loud and Clear....Online is for Hookups....Its Great for Men....easy access to Sex because there are still so many women who kid themselves into thinking that chatting with a man for a couple weeks that they have established a relationship....News Flash...he is chatting up 4 sometimes 5 women at the same time and sleeping with all of them....there is a reason why Syphilis is on the rise.
Parting advice....demand and STI....meet men in real life not online...and if you do meet them online....make them wait beyond 6 dates before having sex with him...do NOT cook for him in your house or let him cook for you until post 6 dates. I really hope this does not fall on deaf ears....Ms X says she is ok....but I know she is heartbroken. She liked Mitch. There are so many Mitch like men out there...be on your guard ladies....for the sake of your health.
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