I was at the ballet this past weekend with my good friend William ( remember the ballet challenge). Well needless to say there are just not enough men out there who will ask a lady out, whether in real life, LinkedIn, or gasp the old fashion way the telephone. Which got me thinking as I made a comment to a woman on LinkedIn who I have seen this feed before about men hitting on women on LinkedIn. I will weigh in on that in a moment, but let me tell you a quick story first.
I have been in sales for many years and yes I too have been asked out or as some women say hit on by men on Linkedin and I am here to say this. Men it is not that you do it, its the way you do it.
I was approached by a GM for a Car company here in Calgary who said he was interested in vedia.ai, check it out and if interested give me a shout. He claimed he was interested in the product. What he really was interested in was me.
After my initial meeting he asked me to lunch which I went. Within minutes he starts talking about how unhappy he is in his marriage...blah blah blah....I am now thinking...Fuck get me out of here. Instead I stayed and thanked him for the meeting and said when your boss is back lets discuss. Few weeks go by and instead of him getting his boss involved, he calls me...at home ...on a Friday night.
Did I also mention this man is married and at that lunch I already turned him down for tickets to a hockey game because I said that would be inappropriate. Well I will give him credit...he has balls or he is stupid. So when he called me at home, he was calling to ask me out...on a date...did I mention he is married...I know I did but it needs to be mentioned again.
I said I don't know what kind of woman you think I am but I would not even entertain going out with you. That ladies and gentlemen did happen and an example of the kind of attention woman do not want whether they are single or married. This man is an example of a scum bag and gives all men a black eye. It does anger us women because first off he lied to waste my time coming out to show him my product and then he thought I would entertain the idea of going out with a married man.
Now back to men asking women out on LinkedIn. It has happened to me as well.
My personal opinion of men who do ask women out on LinkedIn is this. Be respectful, I know I should not have to say this but be respectful and know this most women are going to turn you down so also be nice.
I have had the scenario above happen which definitely made me angry and with good reason, however I have also had men be respectful on LinkedIn...In fact I did indeed go out with a guy who asked me out on LinkedIn, he was very respectful and very nice. We were not a good fit but I would hate for him to stop asking women out just because there are so many women who get offended. Its coming to a point where Ladies you will never get asked out if you continue to paint all men with the same brush stroke. Me too is a persons issue, I have said it before, its not just about women, respect is a two way street.
Ladies, If you have had the scenario with a married man being a scum bag, I get it, but not all men are that guy. It takes a lot of courage for a man to ask a woman out so be kind, you do not have to crucify him just because he said you are beautiful, like Jeez that's a bad thing. Respect indeed is a two way street so be kind. If he is nice and respectful and says I would like to ask you out with your permission, that is if you are single, what is wrong with that...I say absolutely nothing. In the same breath guys, if she says, thank you but I am not interested then just say thanks and good bye.
That's it, nothing more to be said.
I know a young lady who has had such bad luck with online dating because so many men are not respectful that now she has actually hired a personal matchmaker to find a nice guy. Is that what we have evolved to, where its getting harder and harder to find a nice guy. Well let me say this.
Men if you are indeed going to ask a lady out whether it is online....real life or LinkedIn (because personally I do not take issue with any medium). Just be respectful...don't say hey baby how you doin.....and be honest, don't pretend you want to set up a meeting because you are feigning interest in a product she is selling...that is not cool because that is wasting her valuable time.
Just be upfront and honest and if she says no, also be respectful and say thank you and have a nice day. That is all that is required and if she turns nasty, still say thank you and have a nice day.
Personally if there is a man out there, in my age group, 46 to 56, in shape, intelligent, funny, single..yes single...not married or separated, and respectful, I am giving you permission to ask me out, whether in real life or LinkedIn... Have a great day.
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