I was at my girlfriends (K) last weekend for a BBQ...mmm steak...make mine medium rare thanks, love Alberta Beef when she asked me....wait I thought you had a date tonight...I said No that is tomorrow tonight and to be honest I am not really sure about him. OH do tell. Before I tell you what my red flags about (G) the latest first date (and a first date in a few months) I wanted to tell K about how I think I can bridge old fashion dating with online.
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Wait What was her reaction...if you have found a way that can bridge those two things I am all ears...not just me but men and women everywhere will want to hear this....I laughed out loud nearly spilling my Beaujolais. I really doubt anyone could possibly be all that interested in hearing how.,,well at least my way that I feel I can bring back old fashion dating in this endless swiping. First let me tell you what my version of old fashion dating is and you can be the judge.
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I know for many of you that have read my dating stories you will know that at the heart of me I guess I am old fashion when it comes to dating...yes I can be a feminist...independent...strong and confident but I also am a woman...Oscar Wilde one of my favourite writers said do not define yourself as a noun...If you know what you want to be then you will inevitably become it...and there is some truth to that....I am not a thing....I am a person who loves to write...who runs....who is a mother...The next time someone asks me that...that is my answer. I agree...I have and am a Sales Rep but it does not define who I am as a person...I read difficult novels...I like to write...I like to cook and so on.
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So when I thought about Dating...I don't define it in one way either...it will be different each time that I go out with a different man or a different place...but I would like to get back to when Dating was more fun. So my idea of Old Fashion Dating is this....Where a Man is not afraid to ask a woman out to dinner and they get to know one another over dinner and a nice glass of wine, not in some cheesy coffee shop where in some cases can be loud or so busy it is difficult to concentrate on the other person and then after 40 mins neither party wants to be there. Feels forced like some interview where you just wish it would end. I had a few of those encounters and afterwards I had no desire to see the person again...and I stopped to think if the venue had been different would that date had gone differently and my summation is Yes I think the date would have gone better.
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So I sat down and thought about it....NO MORE COFFEE DATES....I really think that is what is destroying people from getting to know each other in the first place. Men used to ask women out..they would get dressed up...yes please get dressed up...I can assure you I will...and in some cases men would bring flowers open your car door and you would go to dinner....some of you right now are laughing...but I bet if I ask 10 men they would actually love the opportunity to actually have a date like this. So for one I am putting a bit of a challenge out there to men who indeed would like to do that...as in either ask a woman out in this Fashion or Me...because maybe all women will not welcome this but I can assure you I do.
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Back to to how I am bridging online with Old Fashion Dating. I told my GF K that this is what I am doing...I am on a Dating App...and when we Match this is how I am approaching the Man. I introduce myself and Say I am attempting to bridge Old Fashion Dating with Online...are you interested...they are always interested. So then I proceed to say Perfect....I will give you 3 questions to ask of me....after I have answered the 3 questions you can do one of 2 things...you can delete me or I am going to give you the opportunity to ask me out on a Real Date .... No Coffee Dates....One where we go out to dinner and wine and actually get to know one another...the way people used to do...no phones on at the table...just dinner and conversation.
Getting him to ask me 3 questions does a couple things....he gets to know a few things about me...but you would be surprised what you learn about a person by the questions they ask...So far this past week that I have been doing this....there have been 2 men I automatically deleted because of inappropriate questions (Blair) you know who you are and he does live in Calgary, I won't reveal who you are but if you are reading this let me say this...no wonder you are alone. Most of the other men actually one in particular put great thought to his questions and I am very intrigued to meet him....he still has one question left so I do hope after I answer it he will want to meet becuase he strikes me as very interesting man.
I will keep you apraised of my successes or failures in this arena...I do think it is a different approach...I also am having Dinner on Sunday with a chef who studied in Paris at a Michelin Restaurant who also seems interesting.
Lastly the Date that I had last week with (G) that K asked me about....Very Intelligent man....I mean that....I found him attractive and very intellectually stimulating...but smoking is a deal breaker for me....I did not know he was a smoker and I have nothing against them....but I do not smoke and could not date one.
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I would be interested in hearing thoughts from both men and women on what your thoughts are on my approach to bridging Old Fashion Dating with Online....I can be reached at nancy.estabrooks@telus.net
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