I was having dinner with K (my gf) on Friday night....I made lasagna, (I make a great lasagna). She brought the wine, I love great food...wine and of course company.
So she said sipping her wine, are you going out with (lets call him Ted), Ted tomorrow? I laughed out loud and said, well no, and I probably will not be seeing him again. Really she said, I thought he was a nice guy. Oh he is I said, but.....there is always a but, damn it, why does there always have to be a but. When you think about the word but and its implications, it basically means forget everything I said before the but and only focus on the negative aspect.
I met Ted on one date many weeks prior to Friday night and he was and still is a nice guy. Not all that tall, maybe 5 ft 9, in decent shape but not great. He is one of those guys that hikes on weekends and thinks that is going to keep you in shape, I have news for you ....it Won't. Not saying he was fat or overweight but I would say soft, and well, I prefer someone in better athletic shape. He said he does run and bikes, but (there it is again), I could not tell. He did have great hair, nice smile and was actually very nice.
We were having wine and a very pleasant conversation, and he brought a crib board and we played crib in the games room at my condo complex, (I beat him...lol).
Here is some advice to men as I tell this story. I subscribe to the theory that my very wise male friend William has told me. If a man is interested in you...he will show interest....if he does not...then he is not interested. No buts if's or ands....period. I actually believe that.
During the course of crib, wine and conversation he tells me he has been married and divorced not once but twice...red flag number one. I am not here to judge but at the age of 50 if you already have walked down that aisle twice and the last one ended many years ago....Its definitely one strike.
I worked with a guy several years ago who at the age of 54 was now on his 5th marriage, I nearly choked when I heard that. I mean dude, time to give up, 5 times, wtf, and the one he is now married to is 15 years his junior....yeah like that's gonna work out.
Back to Ted, the next red flag, he used to smoke, gross, that is what a lot of you are thinking. I say used to because while he admitted he smoked....he quit....not once....not twice...but 3 times. Which says to me he will start smoking again.
I have never smoked a cigarette in my life so why would I even entertain dating one. A few years back I went out with a guy (one date) and when he lit up at the end of the date, I said wtf, I did not know you smoked....done...I am out...not for me...gross. Do you want to know what his response was. I only smoke a few cigarettes a day, and I want to date a non smoker because it will motivate me to quit. I looked at him and said are you kidding me, what makes you think I would date you knowing you are a smoker. Do women think so less of themselves that we would entertain the idea of dating a smoker so I can help him quit. I said, Yeah, not looking for a project, thanks...bye.
So when Ted said he had quit a few times, I was like groan, but again he was a nice guy.
So Ted and I communicated a bit after that date and I was on the fence about wanting to see him again with all this information. I decided if he wanted to go out again, I would see him again and then decide.
He did ask me out again and since I set up the first date I allowed him to set up the next one. I even gave him a few suggestions. He called to say yeah lets get together on Sat but did not actually set up something official and I let it go. Women want a man with a plan, one who says Sat 7pm...and place to meet...etc. This in my opinion was not setting something up. This was on Tuesday.
We chatted very little after Tuesday and well just as I thought, no confirmation whether we had a date or not.
So when K asked me on Friday night while having dinner, I said well if he texts me tomorrow with respects to a date I will say hmmm...well I was unaware we had a date, as in I have not heard from you in days and you never confirmed and I made plans with my girlfriend perhaps another time.
K said, Nancy you are so right, she was telling me about her roommate who is dating a lazy man. They only just started dating and he never sets anything up, and relies on her to do everything. I said we teach men how to treat us and if you allow this lazy behaviour at the beginning of a relationship, its all down hill after that.
So Saturday at 330 pm I see a missed call from Ted and a message which said. Hey just checking to see if we are on for 6 pm, see you later.
I had just gotten back from my run, and laughed and responded with the text, I did not know we were on for Sat, I made dinner plans, perhaps another time.
I know there will be two different camps on this. One will say, hey you could have confirmed sooner, and my response to that will be, nope, he asked me out and should have set up plans for the date and confirmed it a few days out, which he did not.
I posed this question to an older wiser man who I am friends with in my Condo complex that I have tea with on occasion. He said Nancy, you did the right thing, if a man is too lazy to set up a date, confirm it with you, and calls you last minute, he is not worth your time.
After I sent the text to him, I did not hear back, no apology, and that is ok, because clearly as the line goes he was not all that into me, and to be honest I was not really into him.
I still subscribe to the theory if a man is interested he will show interest and the 2 too red flags were too much for me.
Thanks all
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