I was watching a documentary on Amelia Earhart and it struck me as I was watching her how much of a feminist she was and what a supporting husband she had. In case you do not know who her husband was his name was George Putnam, the publisher. They met in 1928 as he choose her to fly across the Atlantic and help to promote her. They married a few years later. This article is not about Amelia but choices that women make in order to pursue their dreams. She was always interested in flying and had no interest in being a mother, the traditional role for women at the time. It still seems today that some men still think that and independent women are a threat to their manhood. Let me tell you a story.
I recently met a very nice man, and yes he was and still is a nice man, just he cannot wrap his head around my idea of what a relationship is. I will get to that later. He and I met just after Valentines day (remember my mourning period...lol) and I just broke it off with him a few days ago, not because of Covid but because we had differing views on what a relationship looks like.
He was the first man in a very long time that I had a lot in common with and I let our commonality blind me a bit. His reading interests were that of the classics like F. Scott Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Wilde...you get the picture. We would discuss literature for hours and History and we both loved Jazz. He also was in really great shape (personal trainer) so we had a shared interest in staying in shape.
We went out a few times before all restaurants closed and then we had dinner at my good friend Williams place. William too thought he was a great fit for me until we got on to the subject of the R word (relationship). This is where we differed.
His idea of a relationship is we are exclusive, monogamous....so far I am on board, but he also saw a relationship as seeing each other way more frequent than I wanted and cohabiting at some point.
After 2 weeks of seeing him I wanted a 2 week cooling off period, meaning I did not want to see him during these 2 weeks to asses if indeed I did want to continue to date him or was it something else.
I should have been clearer with him and I do take responsibility for my actions. He texted me daily and a lot and called me daily. I know for some women they would have loved this attention, I however found it to be a bit overwhelming. A few times I thought he would get the hint that I said I was tired and wanted to get to bed early would have been a clue.
I asked William for advice. He said are you gaga over him. I said no, no I am not. Hmm he said, do you think you need time...as in spend more time with him to see if your feelings would change.
So after not seeing him for 2 weeks we did go out again and instead of him giving me space he became more (IMO) smothering. Again he texted a lot and called me daily. Finally 2 days later after we had dinner at his place I knew I had to end it. I was not gaga over him, our ideas on what a future relationship looks like are very different. Which comes to what I want in a relationship which he said I would never find.
My idea of a relationship is a bond of equal love and respect, respect for who that person is and support them in all that they do. It is of a monogamous, exclusive relationship but it does not mean that I need to hear from you every day either through text or a phone call. I know there are many women who indeed need or want that type of attention, I however do not. It does not mean that I do not care and sometimes just thinking about a person is enough to warm my heart.
I am an independent self sufficient woman with a life outside of a relationship. The other piece that shocked him was my zero desire to ever get married again or to cohabit with someone, It was like I announced there will be no Santa Clause.
He actually said how can you be in a relationship and not live together...now it was I who was shocked. I said people should be able to define a relationship that works for them. I know of a great gal, she and her boyfriend have been in a monogamous relationship for nearly 20 years and they are not married and they do not live together, that is longer than many marriages.
I am not saying that under the right circumstances that it is entirely off the table, living together but I do not want a person to tell me when it should happen.
Amelia for her short life, she had an amazing husband who supported her career her choice to not have children in an age where women were still almost exclusively house wives.
So I ended it with the guy who I did have a lot in common with but most importantly I know I did the right thing because I was not gaga over him and it allows him to find the right person for him and what he seeks. I said I may never find what I seek but I cannot pretend to be something I am not.
His parting words were you are an amazing woman with so much to offer, I know but I also know me and if it never happens I am happy just being me. I am out spoken, passionate, independent and if that means I end up alone then I am glad I live in an era that as a woman I do have the choice. This goes out to women like Amelia who dare to challenge what feminism means to her and to me. Thanks
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