I was having dinner with my very good friend William just a few days ago and he was saying how much of a hopeless romantic he is. I laughed a little because why does a romantic have to be hopeless in the first place. If you are with the right person then it should not be hopeless...should it?
Got me thinking about Love and Romance and how I am not a romantic at all...and how I wish I were in some ways...maybe it was my upbringing or the fact I am just too practical for Love and Romance yet secretly I yearn for a man who would romance me...whatever the reason I was asked to write about Romance and who better to do so then someone who is not all the Romantic in the first place.
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I grew up in the 70s...my parents split when I was a young teen so that could have contributed to my inability to believe in Romance. I never really saw a lot of love between my parents growing up and in their defense there were a lot of kids and we were quite poor so who has time for Romance when you have kids to raise and not a lot of money. I never really bought into the knight in shining armour who would ride in on his mighty steed and rescue me from the tower. I knew if I were to be rescued I would have to do it myself through an education and working hard and that was what I would do.
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I mentioned before that I never dated in HS or even university, mostly because I focused on work and school and so it was only later in life that I felt maybe I did miss out on some things.
William asked me what was the most romantic thing I have ever done for a man...well many I countered. I took my Ex Husband to Paris...yes it was planned but I really wanted to see Paris with him...and well I choose some very romantic places for us to see...(and for you men who think it was he who paid... you would be wrong....I paid for everything). Did he appreciate it...hmmm...yeah not so much...I won't give all the details but if a person can ruin Paris...you are probably with the wrong person. Hey he is not a bad person we just were never a good fit despite my best efforts.
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So back to the question what makes a person a romantic? In my opinion it is a person that sets the needs of that person above their own. Making that person feel needed and special every day is what I perceive to be a romantic. It does not mean you have to spend an exbortiant amount of money...could just be as small as a note to say I love you. Let me tell you a story where I thought this person was being a romanitc...turns out...how wrong I was.
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I was very excited a few weeks ago to go out with a man....lets call him Vince for arguments sake. We had chatted a bit before we met and I was excited and interested to have dinner with him. We met at a really nice restaurant in Kensington and had a really nice dinner and wine. Vince and I also had a lot in common...art...history...wine...the conversation flowed easily between us. He lived literally around the block from the restaurant and wanted to show me his house as he was quite proud of it. After a few minutes I said lets go have an after dinner drink somewhere because I did not feel comfortable being in his house. We did just that. What happened next well dispelled my belief that he was even remotely close to being a romantic.
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Vince was interested in me....yes and no. Yes but not because we had shared interests....it was because he thought by giving me a tour of his beautiful house that I would be staying there with him that night. When I made it very clear that was not going to happen and not who I am his interest in me...well he lost interest.
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What do I want to say to Vince....I am sure you taking a woman out to a very expensive restaurant and then showing off your very expensive house works on some women but not me. Was I disappointed....Yes and No. It is really too bad that he felt the need to either rush something or perhaps next time his time would be better spent saying upfront what you are looking for and I would not have wasted my time.
My friend William said he is just playing the odds Nancy....if he does that same thing 10 times 2 or 3 of those times some woman will go home with him and he clearly has the money to take women out. This ladies is an example of a Player NOT a Romantic.
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A romantic is someone who believes in chivalry, does not have an ulterior motive in taking a lady to dinner and is genuinely interested in getting to know her first before trying to sleep with her. I have heard of the stories of people falling in love at first sight...having sex and 40 years later are still together....that is the exception not the rule. I myself would much rather take my time to get to know someone first....and that is not going to happen on a first or a second date.
I am still looking for a man who will woo me...who will have actual and real conversations with me in person. Someone who does have mutual interests and is patient enough to wait. I do blame a big part of this behavior because of online dating.....we all know how frustrating that is....I have written about it before.
I will say this to all the Romantics out there....don't give up...there is someone out there who so will appreciate your efforts...I mean that and if its not with the person you currently are with then you should not be with that person...I mean that too.
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Life is so short....Emma...from Emma Me and Rose...she died just after Thanksgiving she was 3 days short of her 91 birthday, she was an amazing woman who told me to take life as it comes...be good to yourself and others. I was privileged to have known her the last 4 and half years of her life and I will remember her for the rest of mine.
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I won't give up finding what I hope will be a Romantic man who will woo me and for you men out there....there are many women who will appreciate it....I know I will. Thanks
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