I was sexually harassed via email the other day, que the gasp. Are you shocked, I am sad to say I am not, why you ask? Well because this happens so frequently that I am not shocked anymore, however the way I dealt with it will make you happy and maybe give you an idea of how to deal with this type of sexual harassment. Before I tell you let me say this, men, you so need to do better as it relates to women and this type of behaviour, stop participating in this and call out men who do this.
I am referring to men who sexually harass women and then say, oh I was joking, it was a joke, how many times ladies have you heard that one, you are too sensitive, learn to take a joke. Well let me tell you how I now deal with these “jokesters”. I was reading an article recently about a woman and I got the idea from her, she said, ask him to explain the “joke”, ask him how it is funny. So that is exactly what I did.
The man that I am referring to in this case, well I actually considered him a friend. I rented his small cottage in Bouctouche last Sept and I thought he was a nice old man ( he is more than 25 yrs my senior). We actually had drinks together a couple times and went on a bike ride. We stayed in touch from last year as I am renting a different cottage but not that far from his and said hey we will have to get together for a drink or a walk. That was until this incident. He has a liking for antiques as do I and I sent him a photo that I recently posted on Linkedin of my 100 plus yr old antique bed. The response he sent was not what I expected. He actually wrote, would love to join you in that bed for a night. At first I was shocked then I was angry. I actually gave him the opportunity to apologize and said that is really an inappropriate thing to say, given so many factors, your age, married, etc…. Oh he said, it was a joke, haha. This is when I remembered the article on handling these “jokes”.
I said, ok, Joe, please explain the joke, I don’t get how you propositioning me a joke, I am not laughing. I and many other woman have had to deal with these type of “jokes” and they are only amusing to you. In the future keep these “jokes” to yourself. Guess what, he never responded back and that is fine by me. I do not need men friends like this in my life, if it means I have fewer higher quality friends, that’s ok.
What I want to put out there to men who do this sort of thing and then say it’s a joke, stop it now, it is neither wanted, nor appreciate by any girl, lady, or woman, not in the workplace, on a date or just a so called friend thinking he is funny, guess what it is not funny.
To the women who have had to endure this type of behaviour, ask the jokester to explain himself, ask him what he hoped to gain by saying something like what I had to deal with. Watch him shut right up in a hurry. Take back control and stop these jokesters in their tracks.
It is a shame that I have known many women who indeed have just laughed it off, shy away from saying anything in some cases started changing their appearance, as in wearing baggy clothes or gained weight, all because they do not want to attract attention. Only to find out, it does not matter what you look like, how you wear your hair, clothes, etc. These men will continue this behaviour until they are stopped. Well I for one will not do any of those things, I will ask how he thinks sexually harassing me in anyway is a joke, because guess what I am not laughing.
They have these marches to support women, walk a mile in her shoes, I am sure you have heard of it. How about instead live a week as a woman, and only then you will scratch the surface of what women have to painfully endure. I was talking to a few women about this very thing, they are so much happier their job is now remote, and the main reason for their happiness is...you guessed it, so they do not have to put up with sexual harassment, at least not as much they used to.
I know some of you men are rolling your eyes as I have heard men say, is it really all that bad anymore and my answer is, speak to the women in your life and ask her that very question, you may get an eye opener. For the men who support us, thank you, I mean that, we need more men like you, unfortunately there are not enough of your type out there. For those who make snide jokes about a woman's appearance, shut up, no one cares what you think, least of all us.
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I am beginning to realize why it is so much harder to date now more than ever, and my reason is, I have no desire to be any one but I am and well not many men are interested in an intelligent woman who speaks her mind. Men see women like me as “difficult”. We are not difficult, we just will not settle for any man and again that is ok. I would much rather be alone then settle. I personally have not dated in 2 years and probably will not again because women have evolved where they will not allow a man to speak to them in this fashion and men, well most have not evolved beyond these “jokesters”. I could use a much harsher term, but for this I will call them jokesters.
They are the type of man who thinks he is confident, (he Isn’t), he is a bully and when he encounters a woman like me, I shut him down, and they retreat like a scared little rat, which is what he is.
Men that are modern, confident and support womens rights have no patience for these other men either and pity them, however they are a rare species.
I wrote this to tell all women, Me Too needs to get lit up again, covid de railed a lot of the progress and I for one have a new way to deal with these types, ask them to explain the joke because No one is Laughing